Bitch, I'm a Pipe . . .

If you're unfamiliar with the works of Lil' Wayne (HI COLLIN!), he's the most brilliant retard alive in America today. He's the self-proclaimed "Best Rapper Alive," and likely is indeed the best rapper alive, should such a metric actually be possible. For instance, the very title of this post is the lead-in to one of my favorite lines ever:

Bitch I'm a Pipe, she like a crack addict
Saw me cooking eggs, she thought I was back at it

Lil' Wayne also has a blog on ESPN.com. I did not know this until today, and I'm planning on murdering every single one of you for not telling me about this sooner - HOLY SHIT this is amazing. Some choice quotes:

"I know the Rays got the Backstreet Boys to sing the national anthem before Game 1, and that's gonna be something. I thought Backstreet Road was closed for construction, but I guess not. Since I went to a postseason game in Tampa, I think they're gonna boo 'em."

"T.O. is an amazing talent but he's definitely a situation. But that's another difference between the old days and now. Back then there's no way you play football and then go cry on TV."

"It ain't Brad Johnson's fault. Everything is falling apart. I think Brad came into a bad situation. To tell you the truth I think the team sucks."

And the coup de grace:

"Did you see LenDale's touchdown this weekend? His little fat self ran 80 yards. They put the timer on SportsCenter and it took him like six seconds, but he made it and that's what matters. That guy is funny."

You heard it here first, guys - Lil' Wayne proudly declares that not only is LenDale White fat (dude looks like a potato in shoulder pads), but that this is proven by his consecutive THREE SECOND 40-yard dashes to score. Hey, it ain't trickin' if you got it, Weezy. This is my new favorite thing ever.

The Bronx is Burning

I just watched the first episode of "The Bronx is Burning" on ESPN. I waited a day to watch mostly because the Home Run Derby ran longer than Roots. Jesus, did that really need to take 3 hours? To steal from Lewis Black, the Home Run Derby is like candy corn. I always forget I hate it until I make the mistake of partaking in it again. Fuck is it boring.

Anyways, if you don't know I'm not exactly a Yankee fan. I do have a strange fascination with George Steinbrenner. Maybe it is because of he was portrayed on Seinfeld or the fact that I can't believe such an unbelievable asshole hasn't been shot in the face, but I get a kick out of the guy. So I figured I would tune in to see what Oliver Platt (who is awesome in Huff) could do with the role. I'd have to say he does a decent turn as Georgie, even if he kinda reminds me of Baby Huey. Hopefully it gets more insane as it goes on.

All I can say for now is that there are the pieces of a good miniseries in there. The story and the characters are more than you can ask for. I guess the way the shot it just makes it look pretty cheap. I dunno if ESPN decided to spend all their money doing promos for "Who's Now?" (oh fuck you Stuart Scott, fuck you in the eye), but the production values are a bit lacking.

I'm hoping it picks up a little bit in later episodes, especially with Da Jesus as Billy Martin. I guess we have to see and hope that Jason Giambi doesn't show up again as a cab driver.