Saturday, January 31, 2009

And yet we still go on...

A little over a year ago, my blogmate RC and I lost a very good friend of ours. Even though the days go by, there isn't a day when we don't think about our friend since she has passed.

RB, we miss you, and we still mourn the day you passed. You were an amazing person.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

When Hooters goes bad

It's no secret: I'm a dork. Dorks do amazing things, like do research for fantasy golf purposes . . . however, sometimes the sun shines down from Heaven onto hopeful men. One such time happened yesterday, when something great happened: my fantasy golf league is now the most famous one in the world.

No, seriously.

I went to high school with Kyle Moss, who has subsequently found a solid home in sports radio production and, apparently, being mocked on the air by his friends when they fill in for Jim Rome, as happened yesterday. Apparently somewhere between 3 and 5 million heard about true RC fantasy golf domination . . . finally, my team, John Daly's Parking Lot Naps, gets the airtime it has long deserved. Finally.

Obviously, the Naps are leading the league, too - in fact, I correctly played the winners of the first two tourneys this season. It is a day of hope, that fantasy prowess will be rewarded as the true meritocracy that it deserves, and joy, that I did not go with the Payne Stewart plane crash reference that I had chosen initially. Amen.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Face down, ass up/ That's the way we like to drink

It's that time . . . of course, I mean more Tales from the Road!

This weekend's crapshow included a racial component, which brought out everything awesome about the awesomest racists who ever awesomed. Seriously, I couldn't even believe the white people in the crowd - simply stunning. Some highlights:

"I think [the plaintiffs] brought it on themselves - after all, if they hadn't put themselves into that situation, they couldn't have been assaulted."

"I don't think non-citizens should have rights in America. Rights are for citizens." (This same person may have decried Guantanamo later, but I can't recall an actual quotation, so you get shit and like it)

"I mean, I get that none of the [10,000 (literally --ed.)] other times involved any threat of injury, but you never know what the future holds. I don't think you can assume."

"It's not like he was pistol-whipped - stop whining."

"It sounds like whining, when they talk about Constitutional rights."

"So what does 'lawful authority' really mean, anyway?"

"Sure, I would just walk away from someone pointing a gun at me [if I didn't think they were police] - I've done it before."

"I know what you're thinking - 'Illegal! Illegal!' What's your name? PURPLE STICKY PUNCH."

OK so I made that last one up, but seriously, the Biodome reference just kept running through my head. The moral? Well, as always, it's "Don't get sued" - but also, that racial bias knows no boundaries, especially not those outlined by, like, the law. Or the Constitution. Or really even common sense. White privilege: apparently still awesome. White people: probably the problem.

Last note for the nerds: the best exchange is below, but it's really an awkward situation that, should you actually find it funny, you're likely a douche bag like me. Here goes:

Guy: "That wasn't proven! They never proved that!"
Me: "OK - well, 'proof' has a different definition in court than in life . . . this is a civil case, do you think it was more likely than not that [X] happened?"
Guy: "Well, yeah - I mean, that's probably what it was, but it wasn't proven."\
Guy: "I am a preponderance of pretarded."