As part of my ongoing lecture series on Great Moments in Rap History, I thought I'd introduce one of our advanced courses: non-language in rap songs. Rappers, at least ostensibly, rely on colorful language (by which I mean n-bombs or, in the case of recent Mos Def, condescension) to make their living, which is apparently one often saturated with marijuana, cocaine, purple lean, and various large-assed women with a preternatural gravitational attraction to the floor. However, the English language cannot constrain the rap - aw hell naw. Often, a great rapper must fill in the blanks of the language with something less erudite and more guttural. With that in mind, I now present Five Great Grunts in Rap History.
5 - Juelz Santana, "There It Go (The Whistle Song)"
Juelz Santana blows the ass off the grunt (literally, kinda/sorta) at about the 1:04 mark, with the epic line "Sit it down, back up/ Bring it on back up/ Move it til you feel something hard in your back, HYUPP" . . . a true tour de force of using nonsense tones, as it even carries the "back up" rhyme into effect. Top down and back at it again, indeed - I run the whistle when I'm truly bombed at the bar. So far I'm 0-for-life, but that's not far from my batting average with every other method, so I'll blame sample size.
4 - Master P, "Make Em Say Uhhh"
A retard rap Odyssey so epic that there's absolutely no need to include times or anything, Master P's all-time dipshit marathon is more than notable for its use of two different nonsense intonations: the titular "UHHHH" and the follow-up "Nanana, nanana." The fact that cadence seems to actually go against the beat of the music, added to the knowledge that Mystikal actually earned money making music even though he sounds like a meth-head Vietnam vet who I'm trying to avoid at the liquor store, brings a somewhat depressing quality to pouring some out for our homeys. Thank God Cashmoney Records decided to produce . . .
3 - Lil Wayne, "A Milli"
. . . the self-proclaimed Best Rapper Alive, and truly the evolution of nonsense excess noise. Sure, we're stretching a little on this song, but the giggle after "Damn I hate a shy bitch/ Don't you hate a shy bitch?/ Yeah, I ate a shy bitch/ She ain't shy no more/ She changed her name to my bitch" (about the 2:07 mark) adds an ethereal quality to a spectacularly promethazine-fueled line that actually makes me giggle along with the manchild just about every time. The fact that he backs it up with giggles both before and after "and I'd rather be pushing flowers/ than be in the 'pen sharing showers" just adds to the surreal quality of the sizzurp-addled mind of a very rich pothead. We'll file it under great grunts because there's no WAY it was supposed to be in the mix until the producer (Bangladesh) heard it and laughed his ass off just like I did.
2 - Clipse, "Trill"
Another amazing 2-fer, this track starts with a very poignant "UH" before exploding into ray-gun synths that kind of remind you that, at one very bizarre point in time, Pharell Williams was an important human being. However, fuck that one - the better one is the absolutely astounding, off-beat "WHUT" thrown into the first line of the chorus (by Pharell, of course - he had to be in the track by contract), followed by "WHUT WHUT" after the next line of the chorus (starts at 0:34). Absolutely the most fun part of any rap song to sing in history - and even better, the song involves multi-tracked "uh" and "whuh" noises throughout, seemingly randomly. The Kings of VA's best song, and a worthy contender for the best grunts ever, save for likely the most important rap grunt in history:
1 - Notorious BIG, "Juicy"
On the shortlist for the most important rap song, period, two vital grunts have propelled "Juicy" onto the must-play list for virtually every DJ that plays to a crowd of predominantly white people (as, clearly, every white kid ages 32 and below are more than likely to know the majority of the words to this track - up to and including the shared wince at the "Blow up like the World Trade/ Bomb center" bit). First, the subtle beginning of the track, with "All good baby, baby, UH" gets the party started, and I don't think I've ever heard anyone not say that line as the track begins. Truly, a masterful beginning, topped only by the chorus-introducing "and it's still all good/ UH" - the song is broken into easily-digestible chunks differentiated by grunts. A grunt fires the listener into the track right out of the gate. BIG wields the grunt like a weapon, not unlike the one his posse used to kill Tupac years later, with similar posturing but markedly fewer awful airbrushed t-shirts or misguided celebrations of Tupac as a "poet" (not even considering "Poetic Justice" - I mean, holy fuck). With that, I don't think there is any doubt about the Greatest Grunt in Rap History.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
And yet we still go on...
A little over a year ago, my blogmate RC and I lost a very good friend of ours. Even though the days go by, there isn't a day when we don't think about our friend since she has passed.
RB, we miss you, and we still mourn the day you passed. You were an amazing person.
RB, we miss you, and we still mourn the day you passed. You were an amazing person.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
When Hooters goes bad
It's no secret: I'm a dork. Dorks do amazing things, like do research for fantasy golf purposes . . . however, sometimes the sun shines down from Heaven onto hopeful men. One such time happened yesterday, when something great happened: my fantasy golf league is now the most famous one in the world.
No, seriously.
I went to high school with Kyle Moss, who has subsequently found a solid home in sports radio production and, apparently, being mocked on the air by his friends when they fill in for Jim Rome, as happened yesterday. Apparently somewhere between 3 and 5 million heard about true RC fantasy golf domination . . . finally, my team, John Daly's Parking Lot Naps, gets the airtime it has long deserved. Finally.
Obviously, the Naps are leading the league, too - in fact, I correctly played the winners of the first two tourneys this season. It is a day of hope, that fantasy prowess will be rewarded as the true meritocracy that it deserves, and joy, that I did not go with the Payne Stewart plane crash reference that I had chosen initially. Amen.
No, seriously.
I went to high school with Kyle Moss, who has subsequently found a solid home in sports radio production and, apparently, being mocked on the air by his friends when they fill in for Jim Rome, as happened yesterday. Apparently somewhere between 3 and 5 million heard about true RC fantasy golf domination . . . finally, my team, John Daly's Parking Lot Naps, gets the airtime it has long deserved. Finally.
Obviously, the Naps are leading the league, too - in fact, I correctly played the winners of the first two tourneys this season. It is a day of hope, that fantasy prowess will be rewarded as the true meritocracy that it deserves, and joy, that I did not go with the Payne Stewart plane crash reference that I had chosen initially. Amen.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Face down, ass up/ That's the way we like to drink
It's that time . . . of course, I mean more Tales from the Road!
This weekend's crapshow included a racial component, which brought out everything awesome about the awesomest racists who ever awesomed. Seriously, I couldn't even believe the white people in the crowd - simply stunning. Some highlights:
"I think [the plaintiffs] brought it on themselves - after all, if they hadn't put themselves into that situation, they couldn't have been assaulted."
"I don't think non-citizens should have rights in America. Rights are for citizens." (This same person may have decried Guantanamo later, but I can't recall an actual quotation, so you get shit and like it)
"I mean, I get that none of the [10,000 (literally --ed.)] other times involved any threat of injury, but you never know what the future holds. I don't think you can assume."
"It's not like he was pistol-whipped - stop whining."
"It sounds like whining, when they talk about Constitutional rights."
"So what does 'lawful authority' really mean, anyway?"
"Sure, I would just walk away from someone pointing a gun at me [if I didn't think they were police] - I've done it before."
"I know what you're thinking - 'Illegal! Illegal!' What's your name? PURPLE STICKY PUNCH."
OK so I made that last one up, but seriously, the Biodome reference just kept running through my head. The moral? Well, as always, it's "Don't get sued" - but also, that racial bias knows no boundaries, especially not those outlined by, like, the law. Or the Constitution. Or really even common sense. White privilege: apparently still awesome. White people: probably the problem.
Last note for the nerds: the best exchange is below, but it's really an awkward situation that, should you actually find it funny, you're likely a douche bag like me. Here goes:
Guy: "That wasn't proven! They never proved that!"
Me: "OK - well, 'proof' has a different definition in court than in life . . . this is a civil case, do you think it was more likely than not that [X] happened?"
Guy: "Well, yeah - I mean, that's probably what it was, but it wasn't proven."\
Me: STAB STAB STAB
Guy: "I am a preponderance of pretarded."
This weekend's crapshow included a racial component, which brought out everything awesome about the awesomest racists who ever awesomed. Seriously, I couldn't even believe the white people in the crowd - simply stunning. Some highlights:
"I think [the plaintiffs] brought it on themselves - after all, if they hadn't put themselves into that situation, they couldn't have been assaulted."
"I don't think non-citizens should have rights in America. Rights are for citizens." (This same person may have decried Guantanamo later, but I can't recall an actual quotation, so you get shit and like it)
"I mean, I get that none of the [10,000 (literally --ed.)] other times involved any threat of injury, but you never know what the future holds. I don't think you can assume."
"It's not like he was pistol-whipped - stop whining."
"It sounds like whining, when they talk about Constitutional rights."
"So what does 'lawful authority' really mean, anyway?"
"Sure, I would just walk away from someone pointing a gun at me [if I didn't think they were police] - I've done it before."
"I know what you're thinking - 'Illegal! Illegal!' What's your name? PURPLE STICKY PUNCH."
OK so I made that last one up, but seriously, the Biodome reference just kept running through my head. The moral? Well, as always, it's "Don't get sued" - but also, that racial bias knows no boundaries, especially not those outlined by, like, the law. Or the Constitution. Or really even common sense. White privilege: apparently still awesome. White people: probably the problem.
Last note for the nerds: the best exchange is below, but it's really an awkward situation that, should you actually find it funny, you're likely a douche bag like me. Here goes:
Guy: "That wasn't proven! They never proved that!"
Me: "OK - well, 'proof' has a different definition in court than in life . . . this is a civil case, do you think it was more likely than not that [X] happened?"
Guy: "Well, yeah - I mean, that's probably what it was, but it wasn't proven."\
Me: STAB STAB STAB
Guy: "I am a preponderance of pretarded."
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
My Top 11 for 2008
You have to have a list, right?
Honorable mention:
Wale, The Mixtape About Nothing
So it's a mixtape inspired by Seinfeld. For real. And it's incredibly good - just very odd, to the point of being kind of awkward. I don't think it's the 'best' anything this year, but it's so different that it's worth a shot - Wale is one of the brightest things to come out of 2008, a true cross-over-able intelligent rapper.
Just missed: Lil' Wayne, The Hold Steady, Okkervil River, The Black Ghosts
11- The Knux, Remind Me in 3 Days
I can remember starting college as a freshman and having a pretty extensive collection of very narrow music. Napster broke big, and completely changed my life - that's not even really hyperbole . . . there was a fundamental shift in my mentality courtesy of Napster. Two specific tracks then blew my mind: "Like Today" by Atmosphere, and "Letter from an Occupant" by The New Pornographers. All of the sudden, there was an entire world beyond Moon Records, Sublime and modern rock radio, combining elements I'd never seen mixed before. The Knux record surprised me like no rap record I've heard in a long, long time - not exactly traditional, not exactly backpack, not exactly even hip hop . . .
10- Cut Copy, In Ghost Colours
Music is mostly about moods for me. By that, I mean that most music matches a feeling or time or place in my mind, and I'll usually go back to songs to match a certain place. For In Ghost Colours, that place is my car while in a completely unexpected good mood, such as a random endorphin high after leaving the office and heading to happy hour, or getting good news, or simply feeling good for no damn reason.
9- The Gaslight Anthem, The '59 Sound
Whenever a friend actively apologizes for liking an album (just like my incredible co-author C did, via Facebook no less, in re: this record), I almost invariably purchase/download it immediately. Sometimes this is good (like this), and sometimes it's bad (like ... almost every other time), but the search for a guilty pleasure marches on. I'm not even ashamed. This is probably the record that Craig Finn would have made at 15, if he weren't getting drunk in K-Mart parking lots in Minnetonka instead. We're all glad it went down like it did.
8- Titus Andronicus, The Airing of Grievances
A part of me will always want to light things on fire, or get into fights with assholes during rec league sports, or devastate people who have hurt me in the past, or rage against structure, or lash out at things that are completely unfair even if I can't do a single thing about it. That part doesn't really get out very much, and I'm pretty happy about that. I'm also happy that some bands rely on just that part of them as muse.
7- Bon Iver, For Emma, Forever Ago
When the days get shorter and winter sets in, slow nights can become almost interminable. The sun sets incredibly early, and weekdays are met with only brief periods of light. It's almost as if time passes more slowly - I can't tell you how many times I've looked at the clock and said "Holy God - it's only 8:30?" This has that same nearly-brutal quality, like waiting for warmth.
6- Of Montreal, Skeletal Lamping
Schadenfreude is a powerful phenomenon - people love seeing others going crazy, almost as if it validates their own sanity. Yet we also fear it - the guy outside Marlboro Market lobbing imaginary grenades at Charley can touch a little close to home, or maybe we can connect or understand with the way someone like Hannibal Lecter or Gordon Gekko rationalizes things when we know we shouldn't. Still, the spectacle draws our attention - Kevin Barnes is now the spectacle, by choice and by consequence.
5- The Cool Kids, The Bake Sale
In the video for Dude 'N Nem's "Watch My Feet" the group is rocking the coolest thing I've ever seen in my entire fucking life: a t-shirt (apparently put out on Shorty Capone's line, which I've never found for sale anywhere), in either black or white, with contrasting rhinestone-laden letters that simply spell out "SHIRT." I have no clue why I think it's so awesome, but I would kill a child for one. Basically, that's how I feel about the Cool Kids at this point, too.
4- Deerhunter, Microcastle
Music reviews throw around meaningless words like "dreamy" or "atmospheric" all the time - these are shitty shorthand, allowing for lazy journalism and truly uninspired review. Still, they perfectly describe this album . . . whoops.
3- Frightened Rabbit, The Midnight Organ Fight
I pulled a series of near-all-nighters to finish up a research study early this year - a good friend and the only other co-writer for that specific material made a tough choice to take another job, and I was left with a ton of work on a tight time frame. Obviously, it got finished, but it required typing in the back of a few bars like the Lift until closing time, knocking back beers with headphones as loud as they go. This was the perfect soundtrack for those nights - including how ridiculous I must have looked to everyone else.
2- TV on the Radio, Dear Science
There's a weird arc to the way sexual interaction happens in a relationship. At the beginning, there's some fumbling and struggling, definite awkwardness - but that's awash in a sort of animal interest, a drive that is both exciting and disorienting (Young Liars EP, Dirty Youth). As the relationship coalesces into the honeymoon phase, the frenzy remains, but there is some focus - you're discovering what each of you enjoys most, and you can apply that learning while retaining some of the fierceness, while still exploring and testing boundaries (Return to Cookie Mountain). Then, finally, you settle into a groove - you can become efficient and effective, and you can proceed with some pace, with just enough experimentation to keep it interesting . . . overall, this is the most satisfying phase, even while lacking many of the positives from the earlier phase. That's where TVOTR are today.
1- Girl Talk, Feed the Animals
It's always better to go to the beach when you're hung over - you can sleep more easily, the beer goes down smoother, and that little bit of dehydration makes everyone seem more attractive (even you, being a little more cut based on an utter lack of water in your body). This record will always be the sound of driving to the beach while hung over, and (hopefully) the party afterward.
Honorable mention:
Wale, The Mixtape About Nothing
So it's a mixtape inspired by Seinfeld. For real. And it's incredibly good - just very odd, to the point of being kind of awkward. I don't think it's the 'best' anything this year, but it's so different that it's worth a shot - Wale is one of the brightest things to come out of 2008, a true cross-over-able intelligent rapper.
Just missed: Lil' Wayne, The Hold Steady, Okkervil River, The Black Ghosts
11- The Knux, Remind Me in 3 Days
I can remember starting college as a freshman and having a pretty extensive collection of very narrow music. Napster broke big, and completely changed my life - that's not even really hyperbole . . . there was a fundamental shift in my mentality courtesy of Napster. Two specific tracks then blew my mind: "Like Today" by Atmosphere, and "Letter from an Occupant" by The New Pornographers. All of the sudden, there was an entire world beyond Moon Records, Sublime and modern rock radio, combining elements I'd never seen mixed before. The Knux record surprised me like no rap record I've heard in a long, long time - not exactly traditional, not exactly backpack, not exactly even hip hop . . .
10- Cut Copy, In Ghost Colours
Music is mostly about moods for me. By that, I mean that most music matches a feeling or time or place in my mind, and I'll usually go back to songs to match a certain place. For In Ghost Colours, that place is my car while in a completely unexpected good mood, such as a random endorphin high after leaving the office and heading to happy hour, or getting good news, or simply feeling good for no damn reason.
9- The Gaslight Anthem, The '59 Sound
Whenever a friend actively apologizes for liking an album (just like my incredible co-author C did, via Facebook no less, in re: this record), I almost invariably purchase/download it immediately. Sometimes this is good (like this), and sometimes it's bad (like ... almost every other time), but the search for a guilty pleasure marches on. I'm not even ashamed. This is probably the record that Craig Finn would have made at 15, if he weren't getting drunk in K-Mart parking lots in Minnetonka instead. We're all glad it went down like it did.
8- Titus Andronicus, The Airing of Grievances
A part of me will always want to light things on fire, or get into fights with assholes during rec league sports, or devastate people who have hurt me in the past, or rage against structure, or lash out at things that are completely unfair even if I can't do a single thing about it. That part doesn't really get out very much, and I'm pretty happy about that. I'm also happy that some bands rely on just that part of them as muse.
7- Bon Iver, For Emma, Forever Ago
When the days get shorter and winter sets in, slow nights can become almost interminable. The sun sets incredibly early, and weekdays are met with only brief periods of light. It's almost as if time passes more slowly - I can't tell you how many times I've looked at the clock and said "Holy God - it's only 8:30?" This has that same nearly-brutal quality, like waiting for warmth.
6- Of Montreal, Skeletal Lamping
Schadenfreude is a powerful phenomenon - people love seeing others going crazy, almost as if it validates their own sanity. Yet we also fear it - the guy outside Marlboro Market lobbing imaginary grenades at Charley can touch a little close to home, or maybe we can connect or understand with the way someone like Hannibal Lecter or Gordon Gekko rationalizes things when we know we shouldn't. Still, the spectacle draws our attention - Kevin Barnes is now the spectacle, by choice and by consequence.
5- The Cool Kids, The Bake Sale
In the video for Dude 'N Nem's "Watch My Feet" the group is rocking the coolest thing I've ever seen in my entire fucking life: a t-shirt (apparently put out on Shorty Capone's line, which I've never found for sale anywhere), in either black or white, with contrasting rhinestone-laden letters that simply spell out "SHIRT." I have no clue why I think it's so awesome, but I would kill a child for one. Basically, that's how I feel about the Cool Kids at this point, too.
4- Deerhunter, Microcastle
Music reviews throw around meaningless words like "dreamy" or "atmospheric" all the time - these are shitty shorthand, allowing for lazy journalism and truly uninspired review. Still, they perfectly describe this album . . . whoops.
3- Frightened Rabbit, The Midnight Organ Fight
I pulled a series of near-all-nighters to finish up a research study early this year - a good friend and the only other co-writer for that specific material made a tough choice to take another job, and I was left with a ton of work on a tight time frame. Obviously, it got finished, but it required typing in the back of a few bars like the Lift until closing time, knocking back beers with headphones as loud as they go. This was the perfect soundtrack for those nights - including how ridiculous I must have looked to everyone else.
2- TV on the Radio, Dear Science
There's a weird arc to the way sexual interaction happens in a relationship. At the beginning, there's some fumbling and struggling, definite awkwardness - but that's awash in a sort of animal interest, a drive that is both exciting and disorienting (Young Liars EP, Dirty Youth). As the relationship coalesces into the honeymoon phase, the frenzy remains, but there is some focus - you're discovering what each of you enjoys most, and you can apply that learning while retaining some of the fierceness, while still exploring and testing boundaries (Return to Cookie Mountain). Then, finally, you settle into a groove - you can become efficient and effective, and you can proceed with some pace, with just enough experimentation to keep it interesting . . . overall, this is the most satisfying phase, even while lacking many of the positives from the earlier phase. That's where TVOTR are today.
1- Girl Talk, Feed the Animals
It's always better to go to the beach when you're hung over - you can sleep more easily, the beer goes down smoother, and that little bit of dehydration makes everyone seem more attractive (even you, being a little more cut based on an utter lack of water in your body). This record will always be the sound of driving to the beach while hung over, and (hopefully) the party afterward.
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