Be prepared to see the world of tommorrow, today in your public bathroom stall!
The next step in the automatization of the world is upon us. No longer happy with just automatic sliding doors, Segways, and day-time running lights, the inventors of today have developed an automatic toilet paper dispenser. Contrary to other inventions that usually associate laziness with pollution, this new development should actually make the Earth healthier. According to inventor Richard Thorne, Americans use twice as much toilet paper as Europeans. This is fascinating. Now I know that not only does European shit not stink, they also make less of it. It also saves money.
When I first saw this article I was intrigued by the possibilities. Could this machine measure the mass, firmness, and consistency of the feces and automatically discharge the right amount of tp for the job? Unfortunately, Mr. Thorne did not invent that kind of magical device. Apparently 5 sheets of toilet paper is enough. Most Americans use a full arms length. Considering Americans consume an unhealthy amount of KFC, Big Macs and Hot Pockets, this is not surprising.