Thursday, March 13, 2008

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

From the "Seriously? Seriously." files - it appears Astros 2B Kaz Matsui will be out for a few days . . . with an anal fissure. That's pretty awesome of Rotoworld to let us know that a fissure is "an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin" - this simultaneously lets us know that there are, apparently, natural cracks/tears in the anus from which the fissures must be separated, and heads off any easy "DOCTOR I HAVE A CRACK IN MY ASS TOO!" jokes at the pass. Truly inspired journalism.

I can't imagine how you even approach the trainer with that one - I mean, seriously, what does that even feel like? I guess I can see how anal tearing would prevent a good pivot at the ol' keystone, sure - I just can't even imagine broaching the topic with the trainers, especially if I didn't speak English. Can you make international signs, charade or mimic something like "my anal passage is shredded" or "I'm pooping a LOT of blood, and it is frightening me"?

That's without any conjecture as to how you, y'know, tear up your anus. There is some precedent for this situation among Japanese players (note: that's a joke), but regardless, it's good to know that soothing balm is on its way to solving Matsui's "issue" . . . and while I don't want this to turn into a nature vs. choice debate (mostly because people on the "choice" side of that debate make me want to murder a hobo), I don't think it's quite fair to say this has the potential to go "chronic." Let's keep it neutral, Rotoworld - nice and neutral. I cannot WAIT for someone to draft him in any upcoming fantasy drafts. Holy crap I'm excited.


If anyone caught Bob Knight on ESPN last night discussing the NCAA tournament, it was a pure shitshow. Knight took pains to refer to himself as a "consultant," in an attempt to separate himself from the "media" he spent years hating. What a nightmare - the guy has become who he hated, and now has to separate himself from it on TV - all the while being reminded (by the host, no less) that he is now indeed a member of the "idiot" media.

I don't think I've seen self-loathing like this since Sybil - it makes a Woody Allen movie look like Stuart Smalley's self-help group. Just unreal.

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