Top 15 Albums of 2009

OK - since I NEVER F-ING POSTED all year (OK I did, but not at the . . . prodigious . . . pace of yesteryear), I've been pretty bad with music updates. For that reason I'll expand to 15 this year - but I won't like it, and I will probably drink enough to fight you as a result. If you want, drop me a line and I'll upload some of these so you can "sample" THEN CLEARLY GO BUY IT IMMEDIATELY AND IN CONJUNCTION WITH AMERICAN COPYRIGHT LAWS. Get me a smoothie while you're out, with the PlusProtein add-in? Thanks, dollface.

15: The Hood Internet - Mixtape Vol. 4

While not quite on par with the ridiculous "Vol. 1", the fourth installment from the Chicago DJ duo matches up the weird/experimental (Weezer over faux italo?) with legit bangers (AZ/Ghostface over the Golden Filter) and shit that just works (SPOILER: my favorite song of the year over "Back Dat Azz Up"). And it's free. Sick.

14: Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion

Easily the best AC album, and contains two of the best songs of the year ("Brothersport" and particularly the superb "My Girls" - more on that one later).

13: Major Lazer - Guns Don't Kill People, Lazers Do

Sure, it's inconsistent, jokey and smacks of a one-off . . . and there's a 4-song stretch in the middle that completely sucks (CHOKE ON SOMETHING LARGE, AMANDA BLANK) . . . but the bookends of the album are more fun than watching Cowboys fans lose. A car banger if there ever was one.

12: Roll Deep - Street Anthems

Cheating a little - this is a "retrospective" singles collection. Still, it's everything right with the UK Grime movement, in a tidy package.

11: The XX - xx

It's like Zero7 for smart people - breezy, seemingly-effortless, but with real depth and power. The drum machine actually allows for the band to open up, instead of being a constraint. Just a stunning, out-of-nowhere debut.

10: The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - The Pains of Being Pure at Heart

Yeah yeah - it's a collection of obvious influences, almost like an indie-rock hybridization experiment (you can see the Mendel squares: "Dominant trait, Stone Roses - recessive, Pixies). But it's a GOOD one - full of harmony and that odd, cloudy-but-sunny disposition that make it work in the car or on the boat.

9: Dizzee Rascal - Tongue n Cheek

So the dude goes out and makes an electroclash album - and why not? Dizzee doesn't sound as fierce, as hungry, as he did in his first albums - but growth is a good thing, and sounding comfortable over an Armand van Buran beat works much better than chatting shit about geezers and gunplay. My British rap fixation continues unabated (insert own abating joke here).

8: Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz!

Probably the best-named record of the year, because it really is a blitz - the YYYs keep the angular guitars, but lose the Joy Division for some New Order. Holy shit, it's an actual dance album - and Karen O's squawks and howls and lyrics fit the dance floor like a fucked-up bloody glove. This is the album the Killers wish they'd made instead of Sam's Town. "Get your leather on", indeed.

7: Mountain Goats - The Life of the World to Come

John Darnielle might be the best songwriter of this generation - he spins a story better than anyone, and can create consistent yet interesting album better than anyone this side of David Berman. A Biblical album without references to God, a spiritual journey that stops to ask questions, and a teacher who doesn't pretend to have all the answers - just a great, great album.

6: Japandroids - Post-Nothing

Beach songs about French kissing French girls, changing (or losing) dreams while growing up, or just simply reminiscing - all over the kind of fuzzed-out, devil-may-care attitude that takes years to master but minutes to hit hard. It's hard to sound this lackadaisical - and even harder to actually make the music matter as a result. Gorgeous.

5: The Avett Brothers - I and Love and You

Honestly, this was not an album I thought I'd enjoy (along with similar-yet-different group Mumford & Sons), but I and Love and You blew me away at first listen. The North Carolina bluegrass roots collide with an alt-folk mentality that reminds you of Wilco but quickly runs right past its influences - heartfelt and smooth, yet jagged with loss and despair.

4: Girls - Album

Everyone has the same thought their first listen through Album: "the dude who made this is totally and completely fucked up." Of course, the first song proclaims the singer is "fucked in the head" - it's not exactly subliminal, but it's still important, and his loss is our gain. Ranging from surf to 50s R&B to a hint of rockabilly and calypso at times, this is a beach record that wears its influences proudly but uses them to reinforce lyrical themes, rather than the other way around. An incredibly impressive effort from Girls.

3: Passion Pit - Manners

The new era of pop music will accept anything as an instrument - whether it's vocals or computer manipulation or banging on a trash can. Passion Pit's expansion to a full band pushed the falsetto and computer-assisted vocals further to the back but heightened their effect, creating soaring anthems that never cross into "Wind Beneath My Wings" schmaltz for longer than a second or two. Taking the 'build/release' formula of electronic music into the mainstream - the future is grand.

2: Raekwon - Only Built 4 Cuban Linx Part II

A swaggering FUCK YOU to anybody who thought OB4CL2 was vaporware of the music world, or would be a pussy-footed effort like The Blueprint 3 - instead, Raekwon and especially Ghostface blow the doors down then pillage all your snacks and shit. I'm not sure it was the second-best album on artistic merit, but it was certainly the album I listed to the second-most this year.


1: Phoenix, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

Unreal. Surreal. Perfect. Thomas Mars and Phoenix have come a long way in a short time, not by pushing boundaries, but by settling comfortably within their current vein and simply making pop music from a 60 degree angle. This album will always be the sound of 2009 for me, even if I want to murder a child every time I see the car commercial butchering "1901".

2007 Music Retrospective

After a lot of thought (sort of), I figured I should uphold my status as a nerd and actually put down some thoughts on the year in music, since MK did such a fantastic job with the movie review side. First off, usually I care more about tracks, and this year is no exception - to facilitate that, I put together a 'mixtape' of some of my favorite songs (and mixes) from this year. Obviously it isn't exactly complete - how could it be, in 80 minutes? - but it should get things started:

RC's 2007 Mixtape Extravaganza

As far as albums, this year proved a bizarre one, with great albums springing up in odd categories. It would be nearly impossible to go through them all, but the ubiquitous and probably irrelevant Top 10 analysis is what blogs were made for, so pretty much FU.

Honorable Mention: The Hood Internet, (Mixtape No. 1) (which is just unreal - check these guys out here, it's the mash-up given new life as a remix . . . )

10. Okkervil River, The Stage Names
Where Black Sheep Boy traded in rough edges and some degree of inconsistency as endearing for the listener, The Stage Names works a borderline-melodrama into a much smoother, more consistent shape. A fantastic album, with a solid premise that never falls into "hokey" even though it could have at any point.

9. Simian Mobile Disco, Attack Decay Sustain Release
Originally, I found myself surprised this was so low on my list - I would guess that at least three singles off this album ("I Believe", "Hustler" and "Sleep Deprivation") had to be in the top-25 most listened to in my car this year. However, as an album, it falls into the "Electronic Music Trap": it just doesn't flow, the connectivity wains, and it begins to sound like a collection of singles instead of an album. This CD just didn't have the staying power for me - although the raw strength of it keeps it solidly in the top 10.

8. Spoon, Ga ga ga ga ga ga
Putting Spoon on lists like this is old hat - you just sort of pencil them in whenever they release something new, at this point. However, Britt Daniel's ego and songwriting benefited greatly from the inclusion of Jon Brion in production (and on bass), giving Spoon's stripped-down sound a sheen and depth that makes tracks like "The Ghost of You Lingers" work and not flop. Besides this, the album finishes with its two strongest songs ("Black Like Me" and "Finer Feelings"), which earns brownie points in my world.

7. Blitzen Trapper, Wild Mountain Nation
An oddball choice, to be certain - these guys are all over the map, sounding alternately like a retard Grateful Dead ("Wild Mountain Nation") and a '90s alt-rock cover band ("Sci-Fi Kid", which might be the best song released all year) and everything in between . . . but somehow it works.

6. Panda Bear, Person Pitch
My favorite 'review' of this album came from Bradford Cox of Deerhunter, who said that he hated this album when he first listened because it was "too perfect" . . . and it might be. A modern equivalent of all the best Brian Wilson Beach Boys materials, but with a sensibility and scope unlike really anything else released this year. Originally I wrote this off as a 'summer album' (something like The Boy Least Likely To last year), but I'm pleased to say out loud that I was completely wrong. This one just makes you feel better about everything when you listen.

5. MIA, Kala
If there was an award for being the favorite on the car stereo, this would be MIA's second such victory. Not really "rap" in the truest sense, nor "techno" in any reasonable sense, Kala strikes me as the ultimate evolution of the Baltimore Gutter scene fused with modern indie music - a connection that doesn't seem intuitive, but makes perfect sense when performed by a radical revolutionary who can't spell well enough to keep a MySpace blog (or get a visa into the US). "Paper Planes" also reaches the short list for best song of the year - really, it's everything that Kanye's "Stronger" did for modern radio rap, on a smaller scale.

4. Burial, Untrue
Burial makes dubstep for people who have never even heard of dubstep, and the results could not be any better. Whereas last year's self-titled album came off as creepy, rumbling and fresh, Untrue produces better songs and a nearly ghostly vibe. The haunted, echoing, chopped "vocal" samples can be hard to work with if you're not used to this sort of thing, but on the whole, this is an electronic CD that produces an album feeling better than almost any other out there. Dark, moist, dreary music that becomes beautiful in an unexpected fashion.

3. Justice, [Cross]
Likely the party album of the year, Justice makes sounds that should not come out of good speakers and somehow make the whitest white kid indie geek shake his/her ass. Among the static and the harsh tones comes Daft Punk reincarnate, with a sense of melody and proportion that rival the most immense of the French DJ set. Quick tip: the singles get the most attention, but "DVNO" is the track that gives me the biggest thrill when it comes on.

2. Of Montreal, Hissing Fauna, Are you the Destroyer?
An early-year release that blew the doors off my expectations - while some have considered Of Montreal a sort of novelty act, Hissing Fauna instead became Kevin Barnes's coming-out party. A quick, short move into a freakshow version of the glam-rock that infected mainstream radio, as well as a soul-searing separation from his wife produced an album that pleases the ears beyond previous Of Montreal work, as well as lyrics that produce both wonder and satisfaction to support the tracks. This CD is simply a blast to listen to, and has given me so many great listens over the year that it is amazing this can only rise to #2.

1. LCD Soundsystem, Sound of Silver
Then again, the #1 album just blows everything else out of the water. James Murphy, under the LCD Soundsystem moniker, has produced some of the best singles of the past 5-10 years . . . but until now, the concept of "album" has eluded him just as the concept of "cohesive, insightful lyrics" often flew by the wayside. Sound of Silver fixes both problems, producing a series of tracks that jump off the album and gain notice. A beautiful album about growing old, staying cool, finding yourself, rediscovering things like friends and music, and just living, Sound of Silver produced more spins than any other album in my collection in 2007. A worth champion, to say the least, and an album that should appeal to a broad base of music lovers, no matter whether they lean to the rock, electronic, indie or "other" sides of the aisle.

Top Movies of 2007

So I can't give a final list yet since I'm not a critic and can't watch early screenings of a few movies I really want to see. Specifically There Will Be Blood and Charlie Wilson's War. So this is my list that could be updated after I see all the movies I want to see. Without further ado, my list for best movies:

1.) No Country For Old Men:

I'm a huge Coen Brothers nerd, so I was looking forward to this after their semi stumbles (although I didn't think Intolerable Cruelty was as bad as they say, but that is for another day). Plus Cormac McCarthy is one of my favorite writers nowadays so I think this was a great choice for them. The result is an amazing thriller that is not only intense but also thoughtful. The whole cast gets it just right and the script has a pitch perfect black comedy streak.

2.) Michael Clayton:

Intelligent, quiet character study/thriller with what I believe is the best villian in recent memory. If Tilda Swindon doesn't win something for that role, it will be a damn shame.

3.) Atonement:

After reading Ian McEwan novel, I had no idea how they were going to film this, but they did a damn fine job. I'm impressed they kept the ending intact seeing as it is pretty devestating, but they handled it well. The 5 minute tracking shot on the french beach is worth the price of admission alone.

4.) Juno:

To tell the truth, after the first five minutes, I was ready to punch this movie in the face. It was getting a little too quirky for me. However, after awhile it eased into the story and was pretty enjoyable. Not to mention that Michael Cera is great in anything. Again, the ending was what sold it to me. They didn't sell out and give it a happy one, and I think everyone involved could take something away with the bittersweet ending. Except Jason Bateman's character, he was just a creepy dick.

5.) Superbad:

I don't care what anyone says, this was the funniest movie of the year. I don't think I laughed harder at anything. The entire almost sex scene with Michael Cera had me in tears. If you can't find that uncomfortable comedy both painful and funny then you are truly dead inside.

Five New Shows That Might Not Suck

Amazingly, TV in the past few years has been more consistent and entertaining than a good number of the movies released (Daddy Day Camp anyone?). So with the upcoming fall season, there are a decent number of shows that I will give a chance before flipping over to midget porn. Below are five that I am most looking forward to:

1.) Reaper (CW, Tuesdays at 9pm): Parents sell a kids soul to the devil and on his 21st birthday the devil comes to force him to work collecting escaped souls from hell. Uh ok.

Why it might not suck: The mix of the supernatural and the comedic always intrigues me. Few shows shoot for it straight on. The only one that I can think of was "Dead Like Me", but that tried too hard to be like "Six Feet Under". Plus the devil is always a hoot.

Why it might suck: Same reason. Comedy/Supernatural in a sitcom on the CW? I just made that face you make when you just finished a burrito from Chipotle and realize you are about to shit your pants.

2.) Pushing Daisies (ABC, Wednesdays at 8pm): Piemaker (what the fuck?) can bring people back to life with a single touch, and a second touch sends them back to a dirt nap.

Why it might not suck: Well it is by the "Dead Like Me" dude, and I was probably the only person to ever watch that show and enjoy it (I want to fuck the main character, I still can't figure out if she is hot or not). It seems pretty quirky and whimsical from the previews, which could be a plus.

Why it might suck: Did you read the plot synopsis? Quirky and whimsical doesn't usually go well in the flyover states. Most of them will just get hungry for pie and stumble into the kitchen to stuff their faces without watching the show.

3.) Bionic Woman (NBC, Wednesdays at 9pm): Remake of the 70s show that I'm not sure if that was a spinoff or ripoff of The Million Dollar Man.

Why it might not suck: Serial shows about people with superpowers are the new black. Heroes was amazingly awesome, and if this is half as good it might make it past the first season.

Why it might suck: The actress who plays the main character seems to be extremely terrible. I saw a preview and she had the personality of a drugged up Paris Hilton. So, that could cause it to be laughably bad.

4.) Dirty Sexy Money (ABC, Wednesdays at 10pm): Soapy show about rich people with too much money. I hope someone accidentally kills a hooker or two. That's always fun.

Why it might not suck: Peter Krause is pretty awesome, as is Donald Sutherland. Plus, anytime the preview includes a character using "you are all poor" as a retort gets a thumbs up in my book.

Why it might suck: Soapy shows get out of hand quickly. Just ask David E. Kelley.

5.) Chuck (NBC, Mondays at 8pm): Computer nerd has government secrets downloaded into his head (no it isn't Keanu Reeves) and helps sexy agent fight terrorism. Whoa.

Why it might not suck: The guy who did the O.C. did this show. Now, I didn't watch the O.C. (I swear!) but everyone else our age in America pissed their pants over the show. So I guess it might be good. The chick is really hot and geeks are in nowadays.

Why it might suck: The guy who did the O.C. did this show. 'Nuff said.

So with that list in place, I can now lie on my couch with my hand down my pants, prepared to declare what sucks and what doesn't.

Top Five Dugout Characters

So, if anyone reads this blog (probably not), they know I am pretty much convinced that The Dugout is the funniest thing on the web. Turns out a lot of other people feel the same way as the guys at The Dugout have started linking blogs with their top 25 Dugouts. Now, I don't think I could do that, seriously they are all genius in my mind. However I can easily give you the top five Dugout characters.

Now as a warning I have to tell people that on the Dugout most of the ballplayers have wildly exaggerated personalities and there are also a ton of re-occurring non ballplayers. So without further ado:

5.) Zombie Pavano- I love making fun of Pavano, and the fact that the Dugout turned him into a zombie that seems to only harass Melvin Mora, is pure genius. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Example: http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout4-11-05.htm

4.) Manny Ramirez- I'm pretty sure this character is pretty close to how Manny actually acts. So Manny is a retarded child who every time he shows up he ends with some variation of "Manny ____ Manny". Probably my favorite running catchphrase joke.

Example: http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon113.html

3.) Kyle Farnsworth- Farnsworth is apparently what sparked the idea for The Dugout, so he has to be on this list somewhere. He is portrayed as a giant asshole who hates everyone and has an extremely inflated self worth. So he fits well on the Yankees. He also has some of the greatest lines in Dugout history. He literally destroys anyone who comes up against him, as seen below.

Example: http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout1-22-06.htm

2.) Bill Pecota- A soothsayer and magician who guards over the Royals from evil mostly in the form of David Glass. SILENCE PECOTA SPEAKS.

Example: http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon41.html

1.) Jim Thome- There is no way Jim Thome doesn't top this list. Every time he appears, he is pretty much pure hilarity. There are a few Dugouts with him where I have literally laughed so hard I cried. He is basically an overgrown child who has a very odd way of speaking.

HI, ITS JI-

JIM THOME

Example: http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout1-4-06.htm

Five Movie Characters I Wouldn't Mind Being

So we were talking about this at work the other day, and most people didn't get my list of characters I would want to be. Most pretty much reflect my own personality and while they don't have money or women, you would hang out with them or be killed by them. I think my choices are pretty awesome, and if you don't think so, you might suck.

5.) Jules Winnfield (Pulp Fiction)

Listen, if you don't dig the sweet afro and the pretty sound relationship advice, what is your problem? The guy could probably talk you into anything, and then if you still didn't agree...shoot you in the face. Plus he appreciates a good cup of motherfucking coffee.

4.) Joe Hallenbeck (The Last Boy Scout)

This is probably my favorite early 90s action movie. It was written by the same guy who wrote Lethal Weapon, and is quite hilarious. Joe is a cynical asshole who really seems to hate life (sound familiar?). The good news is that he always has a smart ass remark, no matter what the situation and could probably break your arm when you aren't looking. Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're going to lose. Smile you fuck.

3.) Billy Madison (Billy Madison)

Listen, the guy spent a good part of his life goofing off and drinking with his friends (not to mention the weekly edition of Drunk Chicks). In the end he still gets Bridgette Wilson despite that damn penguin. The blue duck thinks that's quacktastic.

2.) Rick Blaine (Casablanca)

No matter what people try to tell you, this movie is still one of the best around. Really, rent it. It is hard to find a movie nowadays that doesn't have a happy ending or have things wrapped up neatly at the end. In the center of it all is Rick Blaine, probably one of the best movie characters ever. Hangs out at a bar, is friends with the corrupt cops, and is cool under pressure. Just remember, he never actually says, "play it again Sam" in the movie.

1.) Irwin "Fletch" Fletcher (Fletch)

Yeah sure, Chevy Chase is an bastard who did enough coke in the 80s to make Paris Hilton blush. But you can't beat his movie roles during that time period. None better than Fletch. Seriously, this guy could talk his way into anything and make everyone in the room look stupid while doing it. If you are a guy and don't love this movie, you might want to question your manhood. If you are a girl and love this movie, I'm pretty sure we should get married. Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.