Movie Review: Transformers

Holy fucking shit, that movie sucked.

I mean, I was actually stupider for having watched that. This is coming from a guy who has watched National Lampoon's Dorm Daze all the way through (I have serious problems). What I can't believe is that this movie got decent reviews. Is everyone on crack? Or did Hasbro pay critics off with toys to give this steaming pile a good review?

I'd give a plot synopsis, but nothing really happens in this movie that makes a lick of sense. John Turturro (who blackmailed him to be in this turd?) gets doused in some sort of fluid from a transformers crotch. Yes, you heard me right. I think the plot might have involved some sort of cube that creates life in inanimate objects. Or something. I was too busy laughing hysterically whenever Optimus Prime spoke. Since this is a Michael Bay movie, I was hoping he would tell Shia he would "take pleasure in gutting you, boy". Sadly it was not to be.

The only saving graces of this movie is the animated performance of Shia Lebouf and the ridiculous hotness of Megan Fox. I'd probably watch this movie again if I could just splice all of Megan Fox's scenes together and play the soundtrack from the original animated movie in the background.

So, don't watch this movie. Just play with your Transformers in your mother's basement you freaking loser.