10x10 - Round 1

It's that time again: the 10x10, or "Ten Album Reviews, All Ten Words or Less" (also known as the dumbest idea in history) . . .

Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem
Unreal album - vast lyrical improvement, massive nerd boner
9.5/10
Legally download: "Someone Great", "All My Friends", Us vs. Them"




Person Pitch - Panda Bear
Uhhhhhhh . . . Beach Boys on ecstasy? Maybe?
7/10
Legally download: "Comfy in Nautica"

We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank - Modest Mouse
Not disappointing - different direction, but not the one expected
8/10
Legally download: "Dashboard" (obv), "Florida", "Parting of the Sensory", "Education"

Plays - Secret Mommy
I have no idea what this album is about (drugs?)
6/10
Legally download: "Kool Aid River"

Neon Bible - Arcade Fire
No less weird - hate "mirror mirror" line, unlike the blogs
7.5/10
Legally download: uhhh probably the whole thing, it's swingy, make your own call

New Magnetic Wonder - Apples in Stereo
Feel-good album + vocoder = summer album, too early
8/10
Legally download: "Can You Feel It?", "Same Old Drag"

Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? - Of Montreal
Best album of the year so far?
10/10
Legally download: "Suffer for Fashion", "Gronlandic Edit", "Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse"

Living with the Living - Ted Leo/Pharmacists
Stylistic expansion, lyrically solid . . . but not satisfying, somehow
7.5/10
Legally download: "The Sons of Cain", "The Unwanted Things", "Colleen"

A Weekend in the City - Bloc Party
Um . . . sort of boring (sick remixes though)
7/10
Legally download: (Just email/IM me for the remixes, especially by SebastiAn and RAC)

Xan Valleys (EP) - Klaxons
New Rave? Big Gulps huh? Welp . . .
8/10
Legally download: whole thing (4 meaningful tracks)

Frequently Asked Questions: Jesus will "Make it Rain"

I was watching a repeat of the Colbert Report early tonight and Madeline Albright was on to talk about the crisis with Iran. During the interview she mentioned that 100,000,000 Americans believed in The Rapture.

I was surprised by this, could it really be true that 100 million people in this country believe that the end of the world is imminent and they will magically float into heaven? I mean, I know the Left Behind series is amazingly popular and many people refer to themselves as "born again". But 100 million?

So I went to the interwebs. Now I know, the interwebs isn't really the best place for accurate statistics or even fully formed ideas (like this blog!). I didn't stumble across Madame Secretary's statistic but I did come across RaptureReady.com which has amused me greatly. There are many great little tidbits on this site including a list of possible Antichrists that includes both Barney and FDR (personally I think FDR and Barney are in a secret cult that runs the world, but that is a story for another day).

The best part is the FAQs. A few are listed below:

"How do you plan to maintain the site after The Rapture?"

Obviously a very important point. Personally I think I should be allowed to run with his message after he is "raptured" up into heaven. I mean I'll be here right? Let me spice it up a bit, maybe some dancing hamsters or perhaps that video of the monkey drinking its own pee. That cracks me up.

"Is money utilized in Heaven?"

I'm pretty sure Jesus rolls 12 deep into clubs and will "make it rain" while turning water into wine for dem bitches.

"Is the modern celebration of Easter pagan?"

Uh. Yes since it falls on the pagan holiday of Eastre. But the site warns us not to get carried away by the pagan images of bunnies and pastel colors! Ah, it burns!

"Is drinking beer or wine a sin?"

That's just crazy talk, the site actually says getting drunk is wrong. What is wrong with you people? How else am I supposed stop feeling feelings?

"Why is Batman just Batman but Robin is the Boy Wonder?"

I shit you not, it is there. I'll answer this. Batman don't need no nicknames. He will break your skull if you ask again.

"Can anything be done about the decline of morality on TV?"

I hope not. Tits, gun fights and explosions are exciting and fun for the whole family.

And finally,

"Can I just have fun while I am young and then get saved later?"

Fuck yeah, now we are talking. I didn't even read the answer, I'll just assume he said yes.

So what did I learn? Not much. Mostly that I am not rapture ready, and apparently I might be the Antichrist. Oh and this country scares the living crap out of me sometimes.

Movie Review: Grindhouse

I was really really excited for this movie. I saw some bits on the Internet back in November or December, and from that point on I couldn't wait. Yeah, I'm a movie geek, wanna fight about it?

Well, it pretty much delivered what I expected which was just insanity. Granted, I am a little too young to remember the days of the actual grindhouse movies from the seventies and early eighties, but I have seen my share of terrible movies on cable from that era to get the general idea. From what I can piece together this movie captures the experience pretty well, right down to the cheesy "Our Feature Presentation" place cards.

It also has four trailers that should all be made into movies (I think a Machete movie is in the works, uh fuck yeah). In my opinion the Thanksgiving trailer is the best simply because it takes every horror movie cliche from the 80s and throws it together. If you are as demented as I am, you will laugh your head off.

I guess I should break down my thoughts in two bits like the movie itself.

Planet Terror:

Standard zombie movie and Rodriguez pulls it off pretty well. The acting is wooden and the special effects are both disgusting and very cheesy. The plot makes no sense whatsoever (what the fuck does Bin Laden have to do with it?). Oh, and Rose McGowan is hot. I mean I knew this way back when Scream came out, but I'm glad she is back up on the big screen instead of banging Marylin Mason. That really creeped me out. I think my favorite parts are:

1.) The missing reel from the middle of the movie which seems to have contained the story behind Wray's mysterious past. Hilarious, especially since they keep referencing the story the rest of the movie without revealing it again.

2.) The little kid shooting himself in the head. I don't know why it cracked me up, but you knew it was going to happen and it made little to no sense. I liked that his mother kept carrying his body around after that.

3.) Jar of testicles. Yes, why not.

4.) The bad jokes. You know they are coming and it still makes you cringe and smile all the same.

Death Proof:

Well, going into a Tarantino movie you should know that his characters will talk at great length and throw in references to movies you have probably never seen while an awesome soundtrack of songs you have never heard are playing in the background. Not to mention numerous toe shots, the man has a serious foot fetish. Most of Death Proof delivers this and if it doesn't sound like your type of movie than skip it.

The other bits of the movie involve a horrific crash, which will definitely make you a little nauseous and an amazing car chase done without CGI if the articles I have read online are right. If Zoe Bell really did those stunts I might have a rather sizable crush on her. It helps she looks like Uma Thurman (she is her stunt double) and has a kiwi accent.

So, what did I think? Well, it is fucking long. That's ok though, I was still smiling walking out and glad that two grown up kids can get their masturbatory fantasy made into a hilarious movie. I mean, the whole experience isn't that deep and the fact that I would watch it again means they have accomplished their goal. It's nice to see that maybe Hollywood still has a little bit of a soul left (probably not thought).

Random Spurts and Such

- You’ve probably heard that Bob Huggins has left Kansas State for the greener pastures of West Virginia. In fact, if I’m saying “greener pastures” and “West Virginia,” I should probably make some sort of cow joke, but I digress…I’m just hoping that the guys who are so wound up about players leaving college early are going to be getting on Huggins’ case this time around. He was kicked out by Cincy, with his reputation in the gutter, and K-State showed up with a good job for good money. I don’t begrudge anyone following their hearts/minds/money, but if we’re going to criticize early entrants into the draft, we should be doing the same to guys like Huggins.

- The debate is going to rage on no matter what, but I don’t think you can pass up Greg Oden, even for a talent like Kevin Durant. Durant’s skills are unquestioned, as are the results; averaging over 25 points and 11 rebounds per game, including some impressive games against the likes of Texas A&M, USC, Gonzaga, and other strong competition. However, I don’t think you can pass up a true center like Oden, especially one as skilled as Oden. His performance in the Florida game (notwithstanding Thad Matta not giving him a rest) just confirmed things. Centers who are his size, with his skills, don’t come around too often, and are one of the rarest qualities in the NBA these days. Durant can play, but there are more and more guys who can play the 3 or 4 spots like him. The team with the top pick should make the leap, take the big man, and go from there.

- The Dice-K era began in Boston with a bang, and while Sox fans shouldn’t expect 10 K’s every time out, it should be remembered that this guy is GOOD. Everyone, from Baseball Prospectus to ESPN to the grouchy old baseball writers are high on him. Are we looking at the next Pedro or Rocket? Probably not, but we’re looking at a top tier starter, and that in itself should be good enough for Sox fans.

- If you had told me three years ago I would pick Jose Reyes with my top pick in my fantasy draft, that I would get multiple trade offers for him, and that I would reject them all, I don’t think I would have believed you.

- Just a heads up to anyone who is thinking of going to law school; don’t be that guy/girl who raises their hand on every question. Also, don’t be that guy/girl who criticizes everyone else’s viewpoints. Remember, these are the people who you will be practicing with and against when you get out of school. Best not to have people hating you at the end of first year.

Pictures = 1k words and all . . .

Opening Day

Today was Opening Day. I'm glad that baseball is back, it means summer is around the corner and I can drink outside and/or take a nap in the park while there are scantily clad women wandering around. All good things.

What wasn't good was the Red Sox opener. I'm glad I couldn't watch. We lost to the Royals and Gil Meche. I will repeat that because it bears repeating: We lost to the Royals and Gil Fucking Meche. Normally I wouldn't care, one game doesn't really matter, but this was unnerving. Schilling got run out in the fourth, and that was that. We lost 7-1.

Ugly.

In other news, the Yankees won behind Carl Pavano. He made it through a start! Congrats.

Meanwhile on my fantasy team, my starting pitching is getting assraped. Derek Lowe's divorce gave up 6 runs on eight hits while Jose Contreras dropped a lovely 63.00 ERA. Hot pot of coffee. At least Miguel Cabrera had a good day to add to Lo Duca's game last night.

Ah baseball is back and it is time for neurotically checking scores and agonizing over the Sox. Spring really is in the air.