Mind-bottling

An entire weekend of NFL draft and Miller Genuine Draft, and it's safe to say that in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I've got a problem with most of you people.

I really don't want to get into the Philly draft, mostly because I can't really comprehend what was going on. The 2nd-round QB has me mind-bent, and while I realize I'm slightly less risk-adverse than most (HI POKER), passing on Bush was hilarious, even for the current Eagles regime and their stodgy (and successful) personnel strategies.

Instead, let's talk about firing Joe Torre - one more reason why I could never be a Yankees fan. The Dan Duquette administration had more than its fair share of bizarre moves and reactionary drivel (hellooooooooooo Mike Lansing/Dante Bichette), this is certain. However, the sheer amount of drive shown by the NYC press, along with Steinbrenner's zeal (which, while commendable, works as a detriment as much as a positive - see: the 1980s), lead to such ridiculous situations that I can't really get over it easily.

Firing Torre would be just surreal - there's absolutely no chance you can blame him for the team's start. The Yankees are near the top of the league in runs scored (lead AL/2nd MLB), and their bullpen (while tattered) is not the glaring weakness most are claiming, in spite of Rivera's noted problems. The problem is mostly starting pitching, and specifically injuries. While research has shown a correlation between injuries and certain staffs, the Yankees have never really had problems - most of these are probably flukes.

Certainly, you cannot blame overwork here - Torre's bullpen usage is remarkably inefficient and suboptimal, but with possible exception of not controlling Wang's innings somewhat better, his use of starters has been flawless for years. He's willing to adapt (throwing starters from the pen on their throw days) and doesn't overwork needlessly. The starters, quite simply, cannot blame Torre, nor can the offense.

He also shouldn't be punished for Karstens sucking, or Igawa adjusting slowly, or Chase Wright being a punching bag. There is no alternative that is clearly more desirable. To reward a guy who has done great things with this team by using him as a scapegoat (all this after 1/8th of a season) is horrifyingly shortsighted at best, and borderline negligent at worst.

On an unrelated note, I've watched all of Matsuzaka's starts this year - I have absolutely no problem with his pitch selection or use of multiple types . . . so Ryan, I think you're 100% wrong. Unless you can identify which of his breaking or off-speed pitches are actually below-average offerings, I can't see anything specific that gets him into trouble other than locating the fastball early.

The only flaw with Daisuke so far is that he loses a little bit of command out of the stretch, so teams are taking a little more against him to try to get him out of the windup. He'll have to adjust - however, with his borderline-retarded 10+ K/9 and almost 4:1 K/BB ratio, color me unconcerned - exactly half of his earned runs have come against the Yankees, who have the best hitting lineup in modern baseball history, and he's still only at 4.38 ERA. All good in this hood.

Also all good: this Diplo remix of TV on the Radio's "Starting at the Sun" - just unreal. This whole Baltimore gutter scene has me super excited, in a scared white boy way.
TVotR - Staring at the Sun (Diplo Hollertronix mix)

Buffalo Bills Select: Marshawn Lynch

I peed a little.

Yankees/Red Sox: Live

To quote Eric Cartman: "Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Yummy!"

I know it is April, but to see the soul crushing sadness in the eyes of all Yankee fans at that game was pretty awesome. I'm going to sleep well tonight.

In other news, this was my first time seeing Dice-K live. Really weird wind up to see, with the slow motion in the middle of it. I can see how it could throw hitters off. However, Dice-K is alone to blame for the four runs. He didn't even make the Yankees work for it. Out of all those pitches he has, he should really only throw about three of them. Plus, what the hell does Varitek say to him on the mound? That must be a fun convo.

I don't know what Manny's problem is. I hope no one told him that people are actually watching these games. Geez, .198 for April? Get that guy some breast milk.

In closing I give you this:

Mariano Rivera has a 12.15 ERA. It warms the cockles of the heart, doesn't it?

A Real Happy Meal

A New Zealand grandmother received a surprise when she opened her seven year old granddaughter's McDonald's happy meal on Tuesday and discovered a condom packed with the usual food items. Interestingly enough, the condom was the most sanitary item in the happy meal. Even more interesting was that the condom was used.

It's not your fault

"If you didn't have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn't mind giving you a little sugar." - GOB

Once again scientists have found a reason why you are an unhealthy pig. But guess what, It's not your fault! According to a new study, researchers have identified at least 8 genes that are linked to type 2 diabetes, aka adult onset diabetes. I'm no gene wizard but I am going to have to take a guess that these genes are probably deep fried and made by Hostess. Diabetes is a problem for some from birth but for others it is mostly a product of lifestyle choices. Some people accept their panda bear shape, others choose to blame a number of suspects. Target 1.) The TV made me eat. The television never made anyone do anything. If you aren't smart enough to realize that the purpose of commercials is to make you buy things, than you are seriously misinformed about how the American economic system functions. People are paid large dollar amounts to make products appear appealing (eg Crystal Pepsi). If you didn't watch as much TV in the first place you may not be as chunky 2.) The media makes me ashamed of my body so I get depressed and eat. This is more of an issue with women but an increasing number of men are being found to have eating disorders as well. Bulimia and anorexia are the eating disorders that get most of the press but overeating is more of a problem. People should be ashamed of being fat. There are people starving in other countries that don't eat in one week what some people inhale in one sitting. It's an animal instinct to eat but guess what, we are not animals, we are people. People know when to say,"That's enough food for now". Animals wait in line at the Old Country Buffet like heffers being led out to graze and think "yea, that extra piece of fried chicken IS a good idea."
The bottom line is people want an easy solution to their problems and if there is no solution they want to be able to blame someone else or something they have no control over. The only proven way to lose weight is to decrease calorie input and increase calorie usage. This means exercise and not eating that bag of oreo's in one evening. At one time I would laugh if some fat person was breathing hard after climbing a flight of stairs. Now it's just incredibly sad, like a dog with peanut butter stuck to the roof of its mouth. Guess what Porky, it's not your genes or your perception of the media. It's your own damn fault.

RIP: David Halberstam

The world lost a great journalist and author today with the death of David Halberstam in a car accident. At one point in my educational/professional life, I wanted to be a journalist, and one of the people who inspired me to choose that path was Halberstam. Whether it was his tremendous sports writing, or his seminal correspondent work in Vietnam (which garnered him a Pulitzer), anything he wrote became a classic. What other author can you think of who could transition from war correspondent to ESPN Page 2 contributor?

This post is rambling a bit, but we truly lost a legend today, and for that, I am saddened. Rest in peace Mr. Halberstam, you will be missed.

Red Sox Rape Chase Wright, No Charges Filed

That was extremely satisfying.

I mean, it is April and there is a whole season left to play. However, after the thumping the Sox got from the Yankees last season during that five game series it was nice to see a little comeuppance.

Seeing back-to-back-to-back-to-back homers is always a nice added topper. Poor Chase Wright though. A couple weeks ago you are slogging through double AA and all the sudden you are getting face raped on national television. That speaks volumes to how decimated the Yankee rotation is. Not to mention being forced to use Josh Phelps as your catcher. I think Joe might be hearing from George this week, especially after his shitty use of the bullpen on Friday.

I wasn't that impressed with our starting pitching. I did like Dice-K's attempt to throw inside. Sorta like a child learning to walk. Plus, someone should have done that to A-Rod sooner.

Weekend Review

Good weekend for me as a sports fan. Sabres won their series over the crybaby Islanders, Red Sox are on the verge of a sweep of the Yankees at Fenway (behind an awesome blown save by Mariano on Friday), and the Suns won the first game of their series against the Lakers.

The best part is I believe I might now have a chance to see a Sabres playoff game in person. Since NJ beat Tampa Bay today I think that the Sabres are going to play the Rangers next round. This pretty sweet, as I have never been to a playoff game for any of my teams.

I've been to playoff hockey games, but never for the team I root for. From what I hear, there is nothing better than postseason hockey games in person when you have a rooting interest in one of the teams. Now begins the process of getting tickets. Hopefully that guy at work still has a connection.

Meanwhile my fantasy baseball team is getting raped by Collin's. I'm losing 10-0. Yes, 10-0. I blame Miguel Cabrera for this, but don't tell him...he practices voodoo. Apparently everyone on my team has decided to stop hitting besides P0lanco (who is quietly having an awesome season so far). Thanks guys. Oh and fuck you Coco Crisp.

So, tonight: Scrub vs. Dice-K at Fenway. Possible sweep. Let's hope that the lineup remembers to score runs. Dice-K is starting to be like a Japanese Clemens minus the asshole tendencies and possible steroids.

The Greatest Team of All Time (at least in my opinion)

One of my recent birthday presents was The Baseball Book, a Sports Illustrated compliation of stories, photos, and the like, put together in a large, coffee-book type publication. Inside the book, SI picks its ultimate baseball team, voted on by writers. Since I've never tried to tackle such a task, I figured I would do so; my fellow blog-mates on here can chime in with their thoughts as well. It's 25 slots, with a 5-man rotation, a bullpen, and reserves. Keep in mind, these guys would be taken as they were in the prime of their careers. Inevitably, there will be people left off this list who others think should be on it; that is the danger of trying to pick the best roster ever, limiting it to 25 players.

My starting 9:
C: Josh Gibson
1B: Lou Gherig
2B: Joe Morgan
SS: Honus Wagner
3B: Alex Rodriguez
LF: Oscar Charleston
CF: Willie Mays
RF: Ted Williams
DH: Babe Ruth
P: Roger Clemens

Rotation (Johnson would be #1 starter)
SP: Walter Johnson
SP: Lefty Grove
SP: Satchel Paige
SP: Pedro Martinez
SP: Cy Young
RP: Mariano Rivera


Bench:
3B: Mike Schmidt
OF: Ty Cobb
OF: Mickey Mantle
1B/OF: Stan Musial
2B: Eddie Collins
1B/2B/3B/SS: Jackie Robinson
OF: Barry Bonds
C: Mike Piazza
C: Yogi Berra
OF: Hank Aaron

A couple of notes on this:
1) I had to go with Pedro in the rotation. It is hard for me to imagine a pitcher having a better stretch than he did in the late 90s, just as it is hard for me to imagine anyone being better over a long period than Clemens. Walter Johnson comes close, but taking into account that ballplayers have only gotten better over time, I just have to give Clemens the edge. Also, I know I went with six starting pitchers, but a lot of those guys pitched in relief in their careers as well.

2) I know A-Rod spent most of his career as a SS to this point, and may very well go back there if/when he leaves the Yankees. But, I had to have him in the starting line-up, and pairing him with Honus on the left side of the infield seemed better than pairing him with Mike Schmidt. It probably would be a better fielding infield with Schmidt, but I think Honus was the better all-around player.

3) My choice to have Barry off the bench was difficult, but I can't see benching any of the starting outfield or DH in favor of him. I thought about starting him instead of Williams, but I think Williams was the better overall hitter, and Mays can cover for Ted's defensive deficiencies.

So that's it; I could make a million changes if I thought about this for too long, but Contracts calls, and I have to stop at some point.

Some thoughts on the world of sports (and even something about the law)

- While the release of information that three coveted NFL prospects admitted using marijuana does bring up questions about their draft position (especially in the wake of the NFL's new scorched earth policy with regard to conduct), it should bring up another, potentially more serious question. If prospects are afraid that their interview responses will be leaked to the media, are they going to want to be open and honest? Will they begin to conceal more information, knowing that anything negative could find its way into a newspaper or magazine? This could bring up issues in future combines.

- While everyone wants to talk about Kevin Durant and Greg Oden in the draft (including myself in my last post), the most interesting figure may be Mike Conley. This is a draft with no true point guards (Acie Law doesn't count), so if Conley decides to stay in the draft, he automatically becomes a very high pick, at least in the lottery. As the NBA abandons the hack-and-check mentality of the 90's and embraces a more wide-open game, a good point guard is becoming more and more of a necessity. Conley may have picked the perfect year to come out, and his one year in college could turn into quite a windfall.

- In a recent Supreme Court case concerning a ban on late-term abortions, Justice Kennedy wrote what some would call a surprising opinion, coming down strongly on the side of banning such procedures. After the recent changes to the Court, it was discussed that Kennedy would become the crucial swing vote, filling the post left by Justice O'Connor. That prediction seems to be coming to light, although Kennedy has come down on the conservative side of social issues previously, so it shouldn't be too much of a surprise.

- Two game winning home runs, 10 home runs in the first 14 games, standing ovations at Yankee Stadium...if A-Rod keeps this up, the NY sportswriters may just go into convulsions.

- I'd also like to add that if Alec Baldwin did his Glengarry scene in Ford commercials I would buy one...or several...right now.

Islanders Fans: Douchebags

You stay classy Long Island. Geez, it's like you guys have something to be proud of. What would that be exactly?

Let's go through the list:

1.) You live on Long Island

2.) You root for the Islanders

3.) You seem to have sub 100 IQs.

Yeah, winning combo. Come to Buffalo if want to see what classy fans look like.

Hilarious Covers of Rap Songs

I figured out that rap songs covered by random white people is probably one of the funniest things on the web right now (yes I saw that damn Will Ferrell video). There is a cover of "My Humps" by Alanis Morissette. Pretty funny given how amazingly moronic that song is.

Above is a cover of "Bitches Ain't Shit" by Ben Folds. In my opinion the best example of the trend.

As I find more, I will post them. Enjoy

Fuck you, Fords are for Closers

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070417/ap_en_tv/ford_ads_mamet

David Mamet is directing Ford commericals?

Just have Alec Baldwin on screen screaming "You see this car? That car costs more than your house. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You go out and buy this fucking car! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, buy a Chevy. "

And scene.

Sabres/Islanders Game 3

Couple of things from the game I just watched that the Sabres won 3-2.

1.) The announcers on FSN are awful homers. Just terrible. I mean almost worse than YES. That goal in the second period by Vanek was clearly in on review. When they do the close up of the goal line and you see the puck on the white side, that means the Sabres scored. Don't pretend like you can't see it. I mean, come on now kids...just give it up.

2.) You stay classy Islanders fans. Come on, it was a bad pentalty I will admit, but act like adults. Throwing bottles make you look like Flyers fans. No one in their right mind wants to look like Flyers fans, not even Flyers fans.

So, the Sabres are up 2-1 in the series and Jack Bauer has gone AWOL while President Dave Chapelle is brain damaged. Oh noes.

Sign of the Apocalypse # 5073921

I don't even know what the fuck is going on here. I saw this on WWTDD. What would this conversation even sound like? My face is melting thinking about it.

Jackie Robinson Day

Yesterday was Jackie Robinson Day, you know if you didn't see the 4 billion bits on Sports Center about it or if you didn't know why everyone was wearing No. 42 during all MLB games.

I think the most interesting side story going into the day was the dwindling number of African-Americans playing the sport today. Apparently it isn't as cool as playing basketball or football. Seems some people think that Jackie would be upset by this. I don't think so. I don't think Jackie just opened the door in baseball for African-Americans, but for all minorities. I think he would be happy to see the wide range of ethnicities that play baseball today and the popularity the sport is gaining all over the world. Plus, the wide range of African American coaches (which was Jackie's final gripe with the major leagues).

Plus, I'm sure all the festivities pissed the hell out of Jeff Kent and Mike Mussina. Oh, the racism is killing me.

Sabres/Islanders: Game 2 Tonight

So, I was forced to watch Game 1 at the shittest bar in New York City. I kid you not. Who knew that Time Warner doesn't carry TSN (whatever the fuck that is)?

I learned that Islanders fans aren't that bright. Seems a group of them were up by the bar and kept asking me if I tipped cows because I was from upstate New York. Uh, kid hate to break it to you but parts of Long Island are a lot more farm-like than parts of western New York. Then they disappeared and after the game continued to talk shit even though their team lost. What kind of heckle is "enjoy a mediocre life"? Uh, thanks I think.

But I digress. The game was pretty much what I expected. The Sabres were a little slow out of the gate but picked things up. Drury and Campbell both had two goals. Turns out that Chris Drury's poop is currency in Argentina. True story. I love the guy, probably because he played for BU and hit a game winning home run in the Little League World Series. Rocking.

Game 2 is tonight, and supposedly DiPietro is in goal (another BU player) for the Islanders. So we will see if that gives them a little bit of jolt. I hope not.

Hey, in other news the Rangers won again. What is this crap? The Rangers winning in the post season. Come on Atlanta.

"What Can a Thoughtful Man Hope for Mankind on Earth, Given the Experience of the Past Million Years?"

"Nothing."

Kurt Vonnegut passed away last night. I don't think it we should sit here and mourn his death, because we all know he wouldn't want any of that.

I don't care who you are, but at some point you probably read one of his books. If you haven't you should.

So real quick, my list of his best:

1.) Slaughterhouse Five- One of the few books in high school that I was forced to read that I have since read again (the others being Great Gatsby and The Sun Also Rises). The passage I always remember is Billy becoming unstuck in time and watching the war movie backwards.

2.) Mother Night- We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. Truer words have never been spoken.

3.) Cat's Cradle- It's not often when the fake religion of a calypso singer makes perfect sense.

4.) Sirens of Titan- There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Mafia.

5.) Breakfast of Champions- Who doesn't love a full page drawing of a butthole?

So, godspeed Kurt. Say hi to the Tralfamadors when you see them.

Sabres/Islanders Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Game 1 in the Sabres/Islanders series.

The Sabres are heavily favored, mostly because I think I am scheduled to be in goal for the Islanders.

That scares me. But then again, everything about any sort of playoffs scares me when it comes to Buffalo. Thanks scarring memories!

I went messing around on the NBC Hockey website (I think I am their first hit), mostly because I heard that Don Cherry is going to be a commentator during the playoffs. Which is awesome. If you aren't Canadian or didn't live obscenely close to the Canadian border, Don Cherry is the long time commentator on CBC's Hockey Night in Canada. Plus he has awesome taste in suits as can be seen above. He is just as stupid as American commentators but he hates French Canadians, so that is a plus in my book.

So, while searching around on NBC's site I found the following:

http://www.nbcsports.com/bellowingmoose/1316670/feature.html

Some sort of blog by the "Bellowing Moose". Holy sweet christ. I had flashes of Scooter and passed out. I hope they don't animate this thing for the playoffs. I might stab everyone.

PS I found out that in the 70s NBC had Peter the Puck. So it seems stupidity isn't a new thing for the guys over at NBC.

Trendsetter

I can't say I keep up with the latest movie and cd releases. I see the previews, I read the reviews but when it comes to laying the granola down for some crunchy movies or tunes, you can count me out. I pretty much hear things or see things 3-5 months after they have been released. Thanks to the library that purchases these items, I can enjoy the cutting edge of music and cinema on a delay. Take Boys and Girls in America by the Hold Steady. I had heard about these guys and read the praise, "Best bar band in America". Well I enjoy a good bar and I enjoy music too. This has to be worth a listen. Guess what, it was. Something about their sound echoes Bruce Springsteen, except there is definitely more illicit substances being consumed.
I am reminded of a skit, it was SNL I believe, where the guy was in social situations and would say the wittiest thing but only in the context of what was said 10 minutes ago. Ultimately, he finds a time machine, repeats what he said and gets laid. When I find my my time machine, I will be hip and on top of all that is current in music. Or I may just go back in time to shove Jesus. It's alright though, it's through the sheet!

10x10 - Round 1

It's that time again: the 10x10, or "Ten Album Reviews, All Ten Words or Less" (also known as the dumbest idea in history) . . .

Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem
Unreal album - vast lyrical improvement, massive nerd boner
9.5/10
Legally download: "Someone Great", "All My Friends", Us vs. Them"




Person Pitch - Panda Bear
Uhhhhhhh . . . Beach Boys on ecstasy? Maybe?
7/10
Legally download: "Comfy in Nautica"

We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank - Modest Mouse
Not disappointing - different direction, but not the one expected
8/10
Legally download: "Dashboard" (obv), "Florida", "Parting of the Sensory", "Education"

Plays - Secret Mommy
I have no idea what this album is about (drugs?)
6/10
Legally download: "Kool Aid River"

Neon Bible - Arcade Fire
No less weird - hate "mirror mirror" line, unlike the blogs
7.5/10
Legally download: uhhh probably the whole thing, it's swingy, make your own call

New Magnetic Wonder - Apples in Stereo
Feel-good album + vocoder = summer album, too early
8/10
Legally download: "Can You Feel It?", "Same Old Drag"

Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? - Of Montreal
Best album of the year so far?
10/10
Legally download: "Suffer for Fashion", "Gronlandic Edit", "Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse"

Living with the Living - Ted Leo/Pharmacists
Stylistic expansion, lyrically solid . . . but not satisfying, somehow
7.5/10
Legally download: "The Sons of Cain", "The Unwanted Things", "Colleen"

A Weekend in the City - Bloc Party
Um . . . sort of boring (sick remixes though)
7/10
Legally download: (Just email/IM me for the remixes, especially by SebastiAn and RAC)

Xan Valleys (EP) - Klaxons
New Rave? Big Gulps huh? Welp . . .
8/10
Legally download: whole thing (4 meaningful tracks)

Frequently Asked Questions: Jesus will "Make it Rain"

I was watching a repeat of the Colbert Report early tonight and Madeline Albright was on to talk about the crisis with Iran. During the interview she mentioned that 100,000,000 Americans believed in The Rapture.

I was surprised by this, could it really be true that 100 million people in this country believe that the end of the world is imminent and they will magically float into heaven? I mean, I know the Left Behind series is amazingly popular and many people refer to themselves as "born again". But 100 million?

So I went to the interwebs. Now I know, the interwebs isn't really the best place for accurate statistics or even fully formed ideas (like this blog!). I didn't stumble across Madame Secretary's statistic but I did come across RaptureReady.com which has amused me greatly. There are many great little tidbits on this site including a list of possible Antichrists that includes both Barney and FDR (personally I think FDR and Barney are in a secret cult that runs the world, but that is a story for another day).

The best part is the FAQs. A few are listed below:

"How do you plan to maintain the site after The Rapture?"

Obviously a very important point. Personally I think I should be allowed to run with his message after he is "raptured" up into heaven. I mean I'll be here right? Let me spice it up a bit, maybe some dancing hamsters or perhaps that video of the monkey drinking its own pee. That cracks me up.

"Is money utilized in Heaven?"

I'm pretty sure Jesus rolls 12 deep into clubs and will "make it rain" while turning water into wine for dem bitches.

"Is the modern celebration of Easter pagan?"

Uh. Yes since it falls on the pagan holiday of Eastre. But the site warns us not to get carried away by the pagan images of bunnies and pastel colors! Ah, it burns!

"Is drinking beer or wine a sin?"

That's just crazy talk, the site actually says getting drunk is wrong. What is wrong with you people? How else am I supposed stop feeling feelings?

"Why is Batman just Batman but Robin is the Boy Wonder?"

I shit you not, it is there. I'll answer this. Batman don't need no nicknames. He will break your skull if you ask again.

"Can anything be done about the decline of morality on TV?"

I hope not. Tits, gun fights and explosions are exciting and fun for the whole family.

And finally,

"Can I just have fun while I am young and then get saved later?"

Fuck yeah, now we are talking. I didn't even read the answer, I'll just assume he said yes.

So what did I learn? Not much. Mostly that I am not rapture ready, and apparently I might be the Antichrist. Oh and this country scares the living crap out of me sometimes.

Movie Review: Grindhouse

I was really really excited for this movie. I saw some bits on the Internet back in November or December, and from that point on I couldn't wait. Yeah, I'm a movie geek, wanna fight about it?

Well, it pretty much delivered what I expected which was just insanity. Granted, I am a little too young to remember the days of the actual grindhouse movies from the seventies and early eighties, but I have seen my share of terrible movies on cable from that era to get the general idea. From what I can piece together this movie captures the experience pretty well, right down to the cheesy "Our Feature Presentation" place cards.

It also has four trailers that should all be made into movies (I think a Machete movie is in the works, uh fuck yeah). In my opinion the Thanksgiving trailer is the best simply because it takes every horror movie cliche from the 80s and throws it together. If you are as demented as I am, you will laugh your head off.

I guess I should break down my thoughts in two bits like the movie itself.

Planet Terror:

Standard zombie movie and Rodriguez pulls it off pretty well. The acting is wooden and the special effects are both disgusting and very cheesy. The plot makes no sense whatsoever (what the fuck does Bin Laden have to do with it?). Oh, and Rose McGowan is hot. I mean I knew this way back when Scream came out, but I'm glad she is back up on the big screen instead of banging Marylin Mason. That really creeped me out. I think my favorite parts are:

1.) The missing reel from the middle of the movie which seems to have contained the story behind Wray's mysterious past. Hilarious, especially since they keep referencing the story the rest of the movie without revealing it again.

2.) The little kid shooting himself in the head. I don't know why it cracked me up, but you knew it was going to happen and it made little to no sense. I liked that his mother kept carrying his body around after that.

3.) Jar of testicles. Yes, why not.

4.) The bad jokes. You know they are coming and it still makes you cringe and smile all the same.

Death Proof:

Well, going into a Tarantino movie you should know that his characters will talk at great length and throw in references to movies you have probably never seen while an awesome soundtrack of songs you have never heard are playing in the background. Not to mention numerous toe shots, the man has a serious foot fetish. Most of Death Proof delivers this and if it doesn't sound like your type of movie than skip it.

The other bits of the movie involve a horrific crash, which will definitely make you a little nauseous and an amazing car chase done without CGI if the articles I have read online are right. If Zoe Bell really did those stunts I might have a rather sizable crush on her. It helps she looks like Uma Thurman (she is her stunt double) and has a kiwi accent.

So, what did I think? Well, it is fucking long. That's ok though, I was still smiling walking out and glad that two grown up kids can get their masturbatory fantasy made into a hilarious movie. I mean, the whole experience isn't that deep and the fact that I would watch it again means they have accomplished their goal. It's nice to see that maybe Hollywood still has a little bit of a soul left (probably not thought).

Random Spurts and Such

- You’ve probably heard that Bob Huggins has left Kansas State for the greener pastures of West Virginia. In fact, if I’m saying “greener pastures” and “West Virginia,” I should probably make some sort of cow joke, but I digress…I’m just hoping that the guys who are so wound up about players leaving college early are going to be getting on Huggins’ case this time around. He was kicked out by Cincy, with his reputation in the gutter, and K-State showed up with a good job for good money. I don’t begrudge anyone following their hearts/minds/money, but if we’re going to criticize early entrants into the draft, we should be doing the same to guys like Huggins.

- The debate is going to rage on no matter what, but I don’t think you can pass up Greg Oden, even for a talent like Kevin Durant. Durant’s skills are unquestioned, as are the results; averaging over 25 points and 11 rebounds per game, including some impressive games against the likes of Texas A&M, USC, Gonzaga, and other strong competition. However, I don’t think you can pass up a true center like Oden, especially one as skilled as Oden. His performance in the Florida game (notwithstanding Thad Matta not giving him a rest) just confirmed things. Centers who are his size, with his skills, don’t come around too often, and are one of the rarest qualities in the NBA these days. Durant can play, but there are more and more guys who can play the 3 or 4 spots like him. The team with the top pick should make the leap, take the big man, and go from there.

- The Dice-K era began in Boston with a bang, and while Sox fans shouldn’t expect 10 K’s every time out, it should be remembered that this guy is GOOD. Everyone, from Baseball Prospectus to ESPN to the grouchy old baseball writers are high on him. Are we looking at the next Pedro or Rocket? Probably not, but we’re looking at a top tier starter, and that in itself should be good enough for Sox fans.

- If you had told me three years ago I would pick Jose Reyes with my top pick in my fantasy draft, that I would get multiple trade offers for him, and that I would reject them all, I don’t think I would have believed you.

- Just a heads up to anyone who is thinking of going to law school; don’t be that guy/girl who raises their hand on every question. Also, don’t be that guy/girl who criticizes everyone else’s viewpoints. Remember, these are the people who you will be practicing with and against when you get out of school. Best not to have people hating you at the end of first year.

Pictures = 1k words and all . . .

Opening Day

Today was Opening Day. I'm glad that baseball is back, it means summer is around the corner and I can drink outside and/or take a nap in the park while there are scantily clad women wandering around. All good things.

What wasn't good was the Red Sox opener. I'm glad I couldn't watch. We lost to the Royals and Gil Meche. I will repeat that because it bears repeating: We lost to the Royals and Gil Fucking Meche. Normally I wouldn't care, one game doesn't really matter, but this was unnerving. Schilling got run out in the fourth, and that was that. We lost 7-1.

Ugly.

In other news, the Yankees won behind Carl Pavano. He made it through a start! Congrats.

Meanwhile on my fantasy team, my starting pitching is getting assraped. Derek Lowe's divorce gave up 6 runs on eight hits while Jose Contreras dropped a lovely 63.00 ERA. Hot pot of coffee. At least Miguel Cabrera had a good day to add to Lo Duca's game last night.

Ah baseball is back and it is time for neurotically checking scores and agonizing over the Sox. Spring really is in the air.